i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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