Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
