Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
