woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
