i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
