I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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