Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
