my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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