I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
