good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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