So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I need moral support for this bender
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize