honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
