If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
