Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
