I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
