I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
