our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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