I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
