We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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