I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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