I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
