He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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