I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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