I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
