If that was your dad, he is hot
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My breath smells like gin and sadness
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
