alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
