You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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