If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
