someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
