So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
