If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
