Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
