Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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