my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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