i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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