I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
