So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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