I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
