i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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