I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
