It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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