first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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