hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
