I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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