Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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