hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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