Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
