Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
not ubering you a puppy
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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