But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
