Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
