they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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