Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
never play flip cup with pint glasses
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
