An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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