I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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