im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
home. puking in laundry basket.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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