By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
