i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
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You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
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Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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