yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
