Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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