I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I skipped work to stalk him.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
