i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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