Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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