So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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