i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
