so explain again why im purple
no
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
