Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I look better un-naked...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
