I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My liver just had a heart attack.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
