Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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