drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
