Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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