Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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