we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
