I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Randomize
